Alderkit's Inevitable and Completely Predictable Journey to Leadership
by The Tree That Fell Silently
Summary: Alderkit is a ThunderClan cat. He becomes an apprentice. Then, suddenly, he learns about a mysteriously obvious prophecy! Guess what? The prophecy is about him! Will he save his Clan from doom? I don't know! Will he find true love or will he end up seducing the entire forest? I don't know! Rate, review, follow, fav, and leave a like and subscribe! (Warning: This is a mockfic)
1. Wow! This is a Prologue!

It was a sunny day, so sunny in fact that several cats went blind because it was just so fox-dungingly perfect.

Three kits (yes, three, not four, not two, not two and a half) sat excitedly by their mother as she groomed their untidy pelts. Today was the day that they would become none other than cats a little bit older than yesterday. In other words, they were about to be apprenticed.

Their names were Daisykit, Nightkit, and Alderkit.

Daisykit is the super excitable, super cute, super beautiful she-cat of the litter. Her eyes were the color of sparkling emeralds just like the kind you pay fifty mouse-tails to see in a British museum. Her fur was a pale creamy brown like someone had taken a jar of nutella and mixed it in with a giant glob of whipped cream. _Pure beauty._

The second kit, who is second favored, second born, second to last born, second to first born, was named Nightkit. He was nothing like Daisykit. He was drab and logical and ultimately balanced out his sister's bouncy nature. He had a dark gray pelt. That's it.

The third kit, who is actually the oldest in the litter, is Alderkit. He is quite the handsome tabby tom if I do say so myself. His body ripples when he walks because he is an oh so muscular kit barely out of the nursery who'd been doing nothing but drink milk, eat prey, and tumble around in the elder's den for half a year. Yep, that's some real cardio right there.

Who cares though, right? This isn't about Alderkit or his littermates. This is completely and utterly all about his _path_ and _journey_ and _quest_ to _leadership_. You could have stuck any ol' cat in his place because it's not about him. There will be no character development whatsoever here.

"All cats who copy and paste their ceremonies from the Warriors wikia page, gather beneath the Highrock for a Clan meeting." Whitestar, the ThunderClan leader who is not Whitestorm by the way, meowed. That's it. He meowed.

All of the cats in the Clan rushed out of their dens, practically tripping over each other, and eagerly returned to camp mid-hunt because they knew what today was... Taco Tuesday!

Or, for a more sensible reason to be called for a Clan meeting, it was the day three kits would become apprentices and three warriors would become mentors.

Now we all know this story is about Alderkit right? More exact, this story is about Alderkit's journey (not him). We can skip Daisykit becoming Daisypaw and getting her dream mentor Hazelstripe. We can also just glide right over Nightkit being renamed as Nightpaw and getting the great warrior Foxfoot because, come on, who cares?

Finally it was Alderkit's turn. He was very excited. I mean _very_ excited. You could practically see his body vibrate with excitement.

Whitestar proudly began the third and final ceremony. "Alder(kit) **,** you have reached the age of six moons, and it is time for you to be apprenticed. From this day on, until you receive your warrior name, you will be known as (new name, ending with "paw") Alderpaw. Your mentor will be (name of warrior or medicine cat) Stormclaw. I hope (name of warrior or medicine cat) Stormclaw will pass down all he/she knows on to you.[3]"

You can practically smell the author pressing CTRL + V.

Alderpaw was disappointed. He had really wanted his mentor to be the leader, Whitestar, or at least the deputy! Instead he got a young warrior named Stormclaw. Sure, Stormclaw was only the strongest of the young cats in ThunderClan, but he was no deputy. At least he was the leader's son.

Whitestar: "Stormclaw **,** you are ready to take on an apprentice. You had received excellent training from Birchshade, and you have shown yourself to be really strong and really brave. You will be the mentor of Alderpaw, and I expect you to pass on all you know to Alderpaw."

The mentor touches noses with the apprentice, and the Clan greets the new apprentice by calling out his/her name.

"Alderpaw! Alderpaw!"

After this, the apprentice will usually go greet their family, or go see to their mentor.

Alderpaw went to go see his mentor. His littermates and their mentors joined him.

"Let's go explore the whole entire forest!1!" Daisypaw meowed.

"No, we definetly should not explore the whole entire forest." Nightpaw argued.

"Lighten up," Alderpaw told him. "We're apprentices now! And in three moons I'm going to warn the Clan about a ShadowClan raid and then I'll fight and protect the queens from the enemy warriors and then Whitestar'll make a warrior earlier than you. After that I'll get my own apprentice and suddenly a couple seasons will pass and then I'll be a warrior and then the deputy mysteriously dies and then I become deputy and then Whitestar is suddenly super old and gross and then he dies and then I become leader and then I die for a noble cause while you sleep in the elder's den like a fat fart."

"Oh okay," Nightpaw nodded. He turned to Daisypaw. "Let's go."

Their mentors led them out of camp to begin their first official tour of the territory. Adventure!

* * *

Author's Note:

Everyone, this is a new type of fanfction that I am presenting to you... A mockfic. It's kind of like mary-sue trollfic, but it's made to mock you, me, them, us. Be offended and leave a flame, or leave a nice review, or just click away and never come back. Ever. Have a nice day! Meow.


	2. Don't H8 M8 it's Gr8

Alderpaw was excited to explore the forest. He knew that the forest was his and his Clanmates' home. ThunderClan had lived in this territory since before anycat could remember. Someday though, the forest would be his and his alone because someday he would be Alderstar!

Alderstar has a nice ring to it. Perhaps that's why his mother named him that. Come on, if you're gonna name your kit you ought to at least think about how it sounds with -star.

For apprentices, the first journey out of camp is special. It's so special that we must describe every single detail of every single leaf and beetle they pass by. Why? Because it totally has everything to do with the plot. All of it.

That tiny pebble resting next to the exposed roots of that oak tree? Yes, very important indeed. See that twig that just fell off that sapling? Totally relevant.

The author was intent on letting us know about every single landmark in the Clan's territory. They only did that because we probably have never read a _Warriors_ book before. I mean, surely we must have never heard of the Sandy Hollow or Fourtrees or Snakerocks before! That's why we're stuck reading a whole chapter about every nook and cranny... because the rest of have never laid our eyes on a _Warriors_ book in our life. Right? At least this all boils down to some new idea...

Nope.

* * *

After exploring the territory, Alderpaw was very tired. After all, he is just a small cat whose never walked that much before. Cardio for the win!

He decides to gourge himself on a rabbit. Did Daisypaw share a bite with him? No, she was gnawing carefully at a tiny robin. Did Nightpaw help him wolf down that delectable piece of prey? Naw, he settled down for a dusky mouse.

How was this apprentice allowed to take the best fresh-kill in the fresh-kill pile? According to Clan customs, the elders or queens should have eaten it. The queens had kits to feed. One rabbit would have fed a whole litter. How did Alderpaw do it? No cat cared. Does this have relevance to the plot? Yes, of course. You'll see. You'll all see.

Alderpaw licked his muzzle clean and padded to the apprentice's den. Yeah, he just left the rabbit carcass laying around in the middle of camp. It's not like it's polite to clean up after yourself once you've finished your meal. It's not like Clan cats always bury the remains of their prey in respect for its life and energy.

He entered the den where the other apprentices were already washing up getting ready for sleep.

"Hi, Alderpaw." The oldest apprentice, Puddlepaw, greeted him. "We made up some nests for you and your littermates."

"Thanks." He nodded lamely, choosing one of the new moss nests. Alderpaw sat down and began to lick his fur since his own pale brown tabby-awesomely-handsomely striped pelt was also in need of some grooming.

He glanced up at one of the she-cats. It was Tawnypaw. Her green eyes were watching him like a hawk. She was very beautiful.

He felt his pelt flush with warmth as they locked eyes, but the feeling quickly dissapated.

Alderpaw looked away from her. Then his eyes met with Tawnypaw's sister, Rosepaw. Rosepaw's amber orbs were glittering like the moon. She was also very pretty.

Then he looked over Rainpaw, one of Puddlepaw's sisters. Her blue eyes were dazzling like sunlit water. She was the first to speak. "I love you."

"Wow, thanks." Alderpaw mewed, his shock so genuine we could dedicate a whole chapter to it.

"I also love you." Rosepaw said, blushing furiously. Because, you know, cats blush. Kawaii desu~

Tawnypaw nodded her head slowly and meowed thoughtfully, "To me, you are the sun... you are moon, the stars... and all that other good shit."

Alderpaw was speechless. He had every she-cat apprentice under his paw! How did this tom, barely out of the nursery, make the older apprentices love him like StarClan itself? Pheromones?

However, there was one last she-cat in the den that hadn't declared love for him. Owlpaw. She was a fluffy white cat with icy blue eyes and her heart was just as cold.

"No, he's just a little shit." Owlpaw hissed.

This was the she-cat he was most likely to fall in love with. She was mean to him now, but in a moon's time he'd save her life whilst fighting WindClan by the gorge and she'd treat him like the only cat in the world. That's usually how it goes right? Obviously, she is the sand to the fire, or the squirrel to the bramble, or the crow to the feather.

Alderpaw was confused by Owlpaw's outburst. He had done absolutely nothing to earn her hatred. Then again, he did absolutely nothing to earn the other cats' love.

He ignored her comment and began grooming his pelt. Then he felt the four she-cats crowd up against him. He purred as they shared tongues with him and him alone. What a catsanova!

* * *

A/N: So the point of a mockfic is to mock something general. Fanfictions like _The Glittering Empress_ (which is a trollfic) is not a mockfic despite the fact that we've been writing trollfics on purpose and are basically mocking other trollfics. A trollfic like _Tom_ and _Tom 2: The Star of Valor_ would probably be the trollfic closest to a mockfic (but not really).

In this mockfic, I am actually mocking the fandom itself. Because of the way Warriors is set up, you pretty much can take three hundred writers, ask them to write an OC fanficfion, and at least half would be the exact same story... a story about a kit who becomes leader... Sure, some of those fics are really great, but the novelty of that generic path has been worn thin.

Must I say it? I am making fun of all of those "Alderstar's Journey" and the "Alderkit's Prophecy" and the dreaded "Alderkit's Rejection." The fact that the kit is becoming leader is just so obvious, when the authors ask us 'will they ever succeed?' Obviously! Even if they don't as a plot twist...

Hell, I could have just as easily made this mockfic about those tragic mother stories where one kit is rejected in such a way I can't even. I can't even.

It seems like I'm mocking _Felled_ which is my story where I take a kit and make him not the leader or favored by StarClan or by she-cats in general. But really, I'm just parelleling the stories for comparison and because I don't want to make up more OCs. It is nice to see my story twisted in horrible angles though and I'd love to see how I can incorporate this into that.

Something that you could write a mockfic about is, let's say, the Warrior Code has been looser since The New Prophecy Arc. In the old territories and the ancient clans, having a mate in a different Clan was a serious offence. Now you've got Leafpool and Crowfeather, Lionpaw and Heatherpaw, Mousewhisker and Minnowtail, Tigerheart and Dovewing... Before, the very idea that Crookedpaw was fond of Bluepaw absolutely disgusted Mapleshade (though she was a Dark Forest cat). RiverClan and WindClan went to war for Willowbreeze and Graypool. Of course, because of the repetition that these books can create, there is a lot to mock. Sorry, Erin!

 _Overall, a mockfic is a mix between a generic story or idea mixed with some breaking-of-the-fourth-wall commentary and hollow characters where one or more appear to be a Mary Sue due to the path and logic of the plot._

Patent pending. Meow.


	3. The Very Mysterious Prophecy

ThunderClan... It is truly the Clan of destiny.

Isn't it, though? You got omens and prophecies slung left and right at these forest-dwellers!

But what about the other Clans? Why doesn't StarClan treat them like they treat the ThunderClanners?

Sure, there's sometimes a prophecy sprinkled in here or there for the other Clans. Right? There was, for example, Heatherstar's warning about Talltail's defection from WindClan.

Oh, wait. That's just a warning, not a prophecy of any measure.

Oh! How about that one ShadowClan medicine cat... Molepelt was it? Yeah! He gave Featherpaw a prophecy. It foretold to the destruction of the forest and the ache that ShadowClan would soon feel. Now that was a great one!

Any other prophecies that we know of? No? Well, then I suppose it's time to give ThunderClan another prophecy since they are just oh so special.

* * *

It was partly cloudy that night. Not a single kit stirred. Until a cat woke with fright, though no cat other cat heard.

The medicine cat, who is probably some bombshell she-cat, or an old crazy goose, was organizing their herbs, even though it was practically moonhigh already. But, that's what medicine cats do. They sort through herbs, put cobwebs on your ear, sift through the berries, send a sad apprentice to go collect comfrey in by the river, birth a few kits, then sort through the leaves. If they're lucky, the author might actually let them go out into the forest!

Tonight was different. Amberfall, the beautiful medicine cat that we hope won't go out of her way to get knocked up, decided to rearrange her herbs alphabetically instead of the usual accordance to how much she had of each.

But tonight was even more different. StarClan was awake. They were sending clouds over the sky. Amberfall padded out of her den. One star began to move across Silverpelt. No, it was a group of stars! They flashed green and red and made a rumbling noise through the air.

"A prophecy!" She gasped. The words entered her mind as if she had been making them up herself. "The alder will lead the Clan to safety from the wind and river's doom." She whispered.

Amberfall immediately informed her Clan's leader. Whitestar was in his den tucked away in the Highrock. She woke him up, and he sat up groggily.

She quickly told him about the prophecy that she just made up, er, interpretated.

"What?" Whitestar stared at her.

"I don't know what it means." She sighed.

Whitestar padded out of his den. He looked out across camp at his beloved Clan. His eyes rested on the apprentices' den where he could see the new apprentice, Alderpaw, sleeping with all the she-cats in the same nest.

"Perhaps it is about Alderpaw..." He pondered.

"How can we be sure? It's not like he's the only cat in our Clan with Alder in his name. And the doom part? Wind's and River's doom is so mysterious I have no idea what it could mean at all. I'm absolutely sure it has nothing to do with WindClan or RiverClan. At all."

"Oh, but that's what I thought it was about." Whitestar shrugged. "If it has nothing to do with Alderpaw or WindClan or RiverClan then I have no freaking clue what this prophecy is foretelling."

"Could it be more obvious, Whitestar?" Amberfall rolled her eyes. "I was being sarcastic."

"I can't read sarcasm!"


	4. The Real Deal

We won't be calling out any names here...

*cough* Jessy *cough*

So we won't be mentioning a certain kittypet-loner from _Bramblestar's_ _Storm._ It's not like there was a new character introduced that, with minimal training, could take down thrushes and badgers all in the same book.

There surely was no new character that was basically "Squirrelpaw 2.0" and whose smug personality impressed the ThunderClan leader.

There was none of that.

Totally.

When Alderpaw awoke, he squirmed his way out of the pile of she-cats who had snuggled up against him last night. The way he saw it, it was only for survival since it had been so cold once the sun went down. It was so cold. On a late Greenleaf night.

He waltzed out to camp (because dancing with the stars is legit) and padded up to the warriors who sat by the prey pile enjoying their breakfast, or as cats would say: "morning meal" since it was confirmed in _Crookedstar's Promise_ that the Clan cats are unfamiliar with the term "breakfast."

Seeing that one of the youngest apprentices was the first to wake up for training, the warriors were impressed.

It's not like it would be difficult for a cat, or even a child, to wake up on time without any preparation for the new schedule after being used to waking up at sunhigh for the last six months. They can totally wake up at dawn the first day. I know I totally could. Totally.

Stormclaw was so pleased with his apprentice he decided to take him out hunting. This is when Alderpaw began acting like a certain kittypet she-cat.

"This is your first time, so let's start with the basics," Stormclaw mewed, "To catch a mouse you need to neatly tuck in your paws beneath your body, but make sure you can still leap out at prey quickly. Then keep your hindquarters high in the air and make sure your tail is lifted forty degrees off the ground so you won't be disturbing any leaves and whatnot so you won't scare away the prey. Turn your left ear in a three-quarter rotation. This will allow you to hear stuff in the forest over there. Llamas. Keep your right ear perked up straight while you stalk your prey. Don't worry about feeling like you can't do this. It should take you awhile to get used to it. Are you paying attetion, Alderpaw? Keep your stance wide, and keep your body lower. Concentrate. Don't you want your Clan to eat tonight? Always remember to skip large paragraphs because they make your head hurt.

Alderpaw did exactly what his mentor asked him to do. Then, on cue, a mouse skittered across the forest floor. He sprang up, his tabby fur billowing majestically in the breeze. He swiped at the mouse, missed, then grabbed a thrush with his teeth and gave it the killing bite.

"Not bad," Stormclaw meowed, "I totally did not expect that. You are a great apprentice! A-W-E-S-O-M-E!" He spelled.

Except that, technically, cats can't spell in English since their own feline-speaking language is actually only being translated into English (and other human speaking languages). If the Clan cats could spell, they wouldn't have such a hard time _forgetting the Warrior Code all the fluffin' time._

* * *

A/N: To all those kids that made fun of me for reading _warriors,_ fluff you! See? You said this series is stupid because it's about cats speaking English! Well, you're fluffin' wrong, you flea-brain. Meow.


	5. Alliances

Alliances (also known as Allegiances if you prefer)

 **ThunderClan**

Leader

 **Whitestar** \- Long-furred, snowy white tomcat with dark night-blue eyes and a small scar under his chin from combat, a nicked right ear, a fluffy tail, two extra whiskers over his left eye (Mate to Silvermist; Brother of Graypelt; Father of Whitewhisker, Snowtalon, Stormclaw, Puddlepaw, Rainpaw, Owlpaw, Fogkit, Dovekit)

Deputy

 **Larktail** \- Lanky white she-cat with broad, silver patches over her pelt with dandelion-yellow eyes, round belly (Daughter of Willowheart)

Medicine Cat

 **Amberfall-** Gorgeous golden-amber she-cat with dazzling sky-blue eyes, dark bronze tabby stripes over her legs with lighter umber stripes over her back and neat little paws (Daughter of Robinsong; Sister of Foxfoot; Aunt to Tawnypaw and Rosepaw)

Warriors

 **Finchclaw** \- Pale tawny brown tomcat with a slightly darker stripe running from his head down his back with pale, icy eyes and long feathery cheek fur and small scars striping over his dark muzzle (Mate to Duskfur; Brother of Pinewhisker; Father of Duskfur's kits)

 **Graypelt-** Dark ashy gray tom with medium-length fur with river-blue eyes, large flat paws, a bare patch on his inner left foreleg, and aging fur spotting on his chest (Brother of Whitestar; Uncle to Whitewhisker, Snowtalon, Stormclaw, Puddlepaw, Rainpaw, Owlpaw, Fogkit, Dovekit)  
-Apprentice; Puddlepaw

 **Birchshade-** Pale dusty brown tabby tom with light-built frame and strong shoulders with pine-colored eyes and a dark-ringed tail (Brother of Thornberry and Leafheart)  
-Apprentice; Tawnypaw

 **Thornberry-** Timber-brown tabby she-cat with sunny yellow eyes, broad shoulders and a wide head, with a long skinny tail, and pink-colored paw pads and sharp, white claws (Sister of Birchshade and Leafheart)  
-Apprentice; Rosepaw

 **Leafheart-** Pale cream-colored tom with slightly darker smudges of pale brown in his feathery fur with pale green eyes the color of sunlight streaming through a leaf (Brother of Thornberry and Birchshade)

 **Nightflower-** Raven-black she-cat with long, fine fur that waves elegantly in the breeze, with sun-golden eyes and lengthy white whiskers, and a tail that resembles the feathery wing of a raven (Daughter of Snaggedfur; Sister of Mothfur; Aunt to Alderpaw, Nightpaw, and Daisypaw)  
-Apprentice; Owlpaw

 **Mothfur-** Stormy-gray she-cat with subtle mottled spots with long, plumy fur and pale swallowtail-colored eyes and a broad head and neat paws (Daughter of Snaggedfur; Sister of Nightflower; Mother of Alderpaw, Nightpaw, and Daisypaw)

 **Foxfoot-** Dark russett-colored tom with grassy green eyes, a bushy fox-like tail, flecks of white fur over his chest and pointed ears with black tufts at the tip (Son of Robinsong; Brother of Amberfall; Father of Tawnypaw and Rosepaw)  
-Apprentice; Nightpaw

 **Hazelstripe** \- Hazel-colored she-cat with short, flat fur with bright sunset-amber eyes, and white-dipped paws, white-tipped tail, white right ear, dark whiskers, dark brown nose, and thin stripe of white over her belly fur (Daughter of Robinsong; Sister of Yewberry)  
-Apprentice; Daisypaw

 **Yewberry-** Glossy raven-black she-cat with bright orange-amber eyes, snowy white paws, white-tipped long tail, white tufts at the tip of her ears, and a fleck of white on her muzzle (Daughter of Robinsong; Sister of Hazelstripe)  
-Apprentice; Rainpaw

 **Whitewhisker-** Dark snowy white tom with fluffy fur on his chest, cheeks, and hind legs with one bright blue right eye and one grassy green left eye and wide paws with his right paw having six toes (Son of Whitestar and Silvermist; Brother of Snowtalon, Stormclaw, Puddlepaw, Rainpaw, Owlpaw, Fogkit, Dovekit)

 **Snowtalon-** Snowy white tomcat with long locks of fur with blazing blue eyes, tall lanky legs, a ragged plumy tail, broad shoulders, wide paws, and a neat head (Son of Whitestar and Silvermist; Brother of Whitewhisker, Stormclaw, Puddlepaw, Rainpaw, Owlpaw, Fogkit, Dovekit)

 **Stormclaw-** Gray tabby tom with darker tabby stripes over his gray fur with piercing yellow eyes, and a white belly and inner legfur, white paws and undertail and chest, and a dark gray nose, broad shoulders, muscular muscles, broad head, strong paws, rippling muscles on his muscles, muscular eyes, and a strong tail (Son of Whitestar and Silvermist; Brother of Whitewhisker, Snowtalon, Puddlepaw, Rainpaw, Owlpaw, Fogkit, Dovekit)  
-Apprentice; Alderpaw

Apprentices

 **Puddlepaw-** Pale gray tabby tom with cloudy-blue eyes, long legs, skinny body, thin tail, narrow head, pointed ears, wide paws, and thin-furred pelt (Son of Whitestar and Silvermist; Brother of Whitewhisker, Snowtalon, Stormclaw, Rainpaw, Owlpaw, Fogkit, Dovekit)

 **Rainpaw-** Gray tabby she-cat with darker tabby stripes over her gray fur with soft blue yes, and a white belly with inner legfur, white paws and undertail and chest, a dark gray nose, rounded shoulders and smooth belly (Daughter of Whitestar and Silvermist; Sister of Whitewhisker, Snowtalon, Stormclaw, Puddlepaw, Owlpaw, Fogkit, Dovekit)

 **Owlpaw-** Beautiful fluffy white she-cat with dew-colored ear tips with night-blue eyes, luscious, thick pelt and small, neat paws with sharp claws, and wispy brow whiskers (Daughter of Whitestar and Silvermist; Sister of Whitewhisker, Snowtalon, Stormclaw, Puddlepaw, Rainpaw, Fogkit, Dovekit)

 **Tawnypaw-** tawny she-cat, green eyes (Daughter of Foxfoot; Sister of Rosepaw)

 **Rosepaw-** Brown-and-white chocolate tortoiseshell she-cat with amber-golden-copper eyes, short thin fur, skinny legs, long lithe torse, fluffy tail, narrow head, and lean paws (Daughter of Foxfoot; Sister of Tawnypaw)

 **Alderpaw-** Pale dusty cream-brown tabby tom with light-built frame and strong shoulders with green eyes and a dark-ringed tail (Son of Mothfur; Brother of Nightpaw and Daisypaw)

 **Nightpaw-** Dark ashy-gray tom with fuzzy, fluffy fur with pale lemongrass eyes, narrow head, wide-set shoulders, tufts of thick fur between his toes, extra crotch fur, and ragged tail (Son of Mothfur; Brother of Alderpaw and Daisypaw)

 **Daisypaw-** Adorable and kawaii creamy-brown she-cat with big, round pale leaf-green eyes, long feathery fur, slight smudges of barely darker hazel-brown, plumy tail, long whiskers, white earfur, tiny paws, and a pale brown berry-like nose (Daughter of Mothfur; Sister of Nightpaw and Alderpaw)

Queens

 **Silvermist** \- Lean, glamorous, young silvery and shimmering tabby she-cat with daisy-yellow eyes, thin legs, long curly tail, pointed ears with slight folds at the tip, soft thin fur, neat narrow head, and motherly hindquarters (Mate to Whitestar; Mother of Whitewhisker, Snowtalon, Stormclaw, Puddlepaw, Rainpaw, Owlpaw, Fogkit, Dovekit)

( **Fogkit** \- Pale, lanky, smoky gray tomkit with sunny yellow eyes, **Dovekit** \- Snowy white she-kit with round, pale blue eyes)

 **Duskfur** \- Velvety black she-cat with wiry fur with bright lemongrass eyes, feathery bat-like ears, fuzzy tail, one white toe on her left hindleg; expecting Finchclaw's kits (Mate to Finchclaw; Daughter of Snaggedfur; Half-sister to Mothfur and Nightflower)

 **Appleleaf** \- Dark ginger she-cat with russett tabby stripes and puffy accent fur with blazing bright green eyes; oldest nursery queen (Sister of Robinsong; Mother of Foxfoot and Amberfall)

Elders

 **Snaggedfur** \- Thin-pelted, long-furred black tom with dimming yellow eyes, and large bare patches of missing fur revealing scarred gray skin (Father of Duskfur, Mothfur, and Nightflower)

 **Willowheart** \- Once-pretty silver she-cat with marvelous black-marbled swirls along her thinning, shimmering pelt, pale lemongrass eyes (Mother of Silvermist)

 **Pinewhisker** \- Dark brown tomcat with frosty green eyes, young bones, healthy skin, missing right hindleg, paralyzed left leg (Brother of Finchclaw)

 **Robinsong** \- Russett-brown she-cat with white belly fur, white paws, white-flecked chest fur and muzzle, blind eyes (Sister of Appleleaf; Mother of Hazelstripe and Yewberry)

* * *

 **RiverClan**

Leader

 **Perchstar** \- Large ginger tabby tom, yellow eyes

Deputy

 **Olivepelt** \- Gray tomcat, yellow eyes

Medicine Cat

 **Specklefrost** \- White she-cat with black blotches, blue eyes

* * *

 **ShadowClan**

Leader

 **Ravenstar** \- Tiny black tom, amber eyes

Deputy

 **Marshfoot** \- Feathery black she-cat, green eyes

Medicine Cat

 **Thistleface** \- Gray tom, yellow eyes

* * *

 **WindClan**

Leader

 **Wolfstar** \- Gray she-cat, blue eyes

Deputy

 **Sunnyspots** \- Mottled brown tom, amber eyes

Medicine Cat

 **Grassfeather** \- Dark gray she-cat, yellow eyes

* * *

 **Cats Outside the Clans**

 **Marshall** \- Golden tabby tom with yellow eyes that lives on the Farmplace  
 **Poppy** \- White-and-brown she-cat that lives with Marshall  
 **Harris** \- White tom that lives on the Farmplace with Marshall

 **Chelsea** \- Dark golden leopard-like kittypet she-cat with amber eyes and a red, tagged collar  
 **Dingo** \- Dark golden leopard-like kittypet stud with amber eyes and a blue, triple-tagged collar

* * *

"Meow," Alderpaw meowed.


	6. What Do We Call Hail Then?

StarClan shimmered in the dark, night sky like spilled glitter on black construction paper. There were no clouds in the sky tonight, for our warrior ancestors did not have gas. That is precisely why Gatherings end and the cats go home, because when StarClan sends clouds over Fourtrees, it smells like a thousand droppings of dirt.

Clouds, my dear children, are merely StarClan farts.

Rain, in a sense, is the pee falling from the heavens quenching our thirst.

Now don't even get me started on snow.

* * *

"I, Whitestar," a large white tom yowled from atop the Highrock, "Am leader of ThunderClan! As such a high-ranked warrior, I shall be selecting the cats attending the Gathering tonight."

"No, really?"

"Now please pretend like you actually care about what I am about to say," Whitestar pleaded, "I am listing every single cat that will be attending, even though the readers don't care because most of these characters haven't been introduced yet! The cats gonig to the Gathering are: Larktail, Alderpaw, Amberfall, Finchclaw, Graypelt, Alderpaw, Nightflower, Hazelstripe, Whitewhisker, Snowtalon, Appleleaf, Willowheart, and Snagged fur, Rainpaw, Rosepaw, and Alderpaw. Oh, and I can't forget Whitestar."

"Wow, you're lucky, Alderpaw!" Puddlepaw meowed to him. "I haven't been to a Gathering all season! I really can't believe that you, an apprentice who has been training for three days, has been chosen over me and the older apprentices to go."

The tabby tom had his muzzle buried between his hind legs, stroking the soft inner fur with his tongue. He looked up at his silvery denmate. "Sorry, what was that?"

"You get to go to the Gathering, dumbass," Owlpaw hissed. The white she-cat felt her fur bristle. She looked up at the screen, her blue eyes meeting your gaze steadily. "Sorry," she mews, "I meant to say flea-brain. It's the same thing."

"Really?" Alderpaw sat up. "Cool. Maybe I'll meet a really pretty RiverClan she-cat."

From afar, the medicine cat watched the apprentices go back and forth with worthless words. "Beware, Alderpaw," she whispered, "Tonight you shall meet the river's doom."


	7. THIS IS LEGITNESS

The night was young and like any great introduction to a chapter, the moon was shining brilliantly! Maybe it was just the crickets, or maybe just the silent cats, but ThunderClan was in a very awkward mood tonight.

I mean, just look at them! They've got apprentices licking their bums right in front of the elders! Surely Alderpaw's mentor would scold him for being so disrepectful. Surely he would be punished from grooming his nether regions with kits watching.

However, this had nothing to do with the plot, so everyone had to suck it up and go the Gathering with the fearful image of the exposed tabby fresh in their minds.

So this lucky cat, Alderpaw, had been chosen to go to the Gathering. He was very, very lucky considering he was apprenticed just a few days ago!

His old-fart-of-a-brother stayed behind in camp regretting every life decision.

"I can't wait to meet a pretty she-cat tonight," Alderpaw announced.

Oh no, this couldn't be! Another Code breaker? Why couldn't they just stop doing that? Why did the forbidden love have to pop up in every book, every arc, every freaking novella?

His Clanmates didn't think much of it. After all, why would they be suspicious? Icepaw was accidentally killed because Foxfoot had an affair with a WindClanner. After that, they didn't think too much about half-Clan love. Nope. Wait, what?

The group of cats attending to Fourtrees padded silently through the woodland territory until they reached the meeting hollow.

Whitestar flicked his tail. Somehow, everycat saw this flick of his tail and flew down the slope towards the Great Rock.

They flew, and flew, and flew. Their paws didn't touch the earth because they sprouted wings and soared high above the Great Oaks.

Their rival cats stared in awe and envy. Once again, StarClan had blessed ThunderClan with amazing abilities and schlick.

The Thundercats landed gracefully. The other Clan leaders grumbled in dismay. Their wings folded up and disappeared because logic.

Alderpaw instantly howled in pain! His nose was ASSAILED by the HORRID STENCH OF THE OTHER CLANS!

His nostrils flared as the burning, reeking scent of ShadowClan clawed at his nasal cavity. The smell of RiverClan's fishy fat made his stomach churn.

WindClan, however, smelled alright, like rabbits and heather.

Alderpaw rolled over on his back screeching to the stars for mercy. May lightning decimate the smelly cats of the marsh and river!

This is legitness.


	8. Life Worth Living

Ah, the Gathering! Full of cats, full of love and hatred, and terrible smells...

Practically any rule of the Warrior Code can be broken here. After all, rules are meant to be broken. Otherwise we have no plot progression and everything we've worked for in life will be in vain because when there is no conflict in the lives of us or the cats then there will be no more reason to live and procreate to bring new life to the forest because when life is easy, life isn't worth living.

"Remember," one of the older warriors meowed, "try not to ruffle anycat's fur."

Alderpaw smirked. How many rules could he break in one night? He began to weave his way through the crowd of cats. He avoided the ones that smelled like sewer ditches. His nose led him around the hollow.

The grass underpaw was soft like fledgling feathers. That was mostly because the ThunderClan cats had molted and their feathered wings were no spread everywhere. It looked like a goose had sneezed itself naked.

An alluring scent tickled his nostrils. It was the smell of willow leaves and olive sedge. There was a hint of chamomile and if he wasn't mistaken, there was just a tad bit of salvaticus lilium longiflorum mixed in.

His paws were literally off the ground as the scent trail wired into his nose. He inhaled and was pulled closer to the source of the enticing smell.

Eventually he bumped into a she-cat. His paws greeted the ground once more.

She turned around, her eyes were like the moon. Comma splice.

Her eyes were like the moon, pale and round. Alderpaw's throat tightened. It was a hairball.

Her eyelashes batted shyly at the tabby tom. Stars shimmered in her pupils. He had never seen anything so beautiful. He leaned in close. He could smell her breath, minty and fresh.

His leafy green eyes gazed deeply into the snowy swirls. In her eyes, he saw something beautiful. His chest grew hot. His heart was racing as if he had raced across the moorlands in a single bound. His entire pelt flushed. Yes, he had fallen in love. He stared into her eyes intensely and knew that he was looking at the most magnificent cat in the Clans.

It was a reflection of him, the most handsome cat in the world.


End file.
